


impulse.

by orphan_account



Category: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, tw for people triggered by self harm and suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21557284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: deckard shaw is depressed, and has ptsd. he accidentally mentions this to hattie, who takes it upon herself to help him, and recommends he talk to somebody he trusts, like hobbs. eventually, shaw takes her up on her offer, and calls hobbs during a panic attack, which somehow brings the two together.
Relationships: Deckard Shaw & Hattie Shaw, Luke Hobbs/Deckard Shaw
Comments: 3
Kudos: 188





	impulse.

deckard shaw isn’t suicidal. he isn’t some stupid teenager, depressed or traumatized or whatever bullshit psychologists are calling it these days. 

so what if he sometimes wants to lie down and never wake up? so what if he, on bad nights, takes a blade to his own skin just to see the blood?

it doesn’t mean anything in the long run. after brixton’s betrayal and hattie disowning him, life lost all meaning for deckard shaw. 

it’s been this way for eight years, and he’s survived decades longer than he thought would ever be possible. and from the smoking remains of shaw’s life, a familiar, miserable pattern arose. 

not the destruction-filled rampage he’d gone on after owen’s coma. just long stretches of dullness that shaw barely registered, punctuated by bursts of crushing guilt and regret, or adrenaline rushes he always sought after. 

it was almost always the former that revealed itself.

everything was a haze, until a certain hulking dss agent appeared in shaw’s prison, in the next cell, and finally, there was a break. 

talking to hobbs, bickering with him, fighting with him, everything about hobbs was distracting. shaw had been sure he could best hobbs in hand to hand combat back then, but now he isn’t sure if he’ll win. 

they’d broken out of prison together thanks to mr. nobody, and that had been that, until nobody gave him an offer too good to be true. 

a pardon from all his illegal actions, excusing even the murders of several men. 

so shaw took the job, saved the kid, and everybody got their happy ending. except for himself. 

life back in london was a hell of a lot better than prison, and the adrenaline rushes were a lot easier to obtain on jobs, but nothing satisfied shaw. 

almost two years spent in a blur once again, most spent on missions, until suddenly hattie fucking shaw, his baby sister, became public enemy number one.

and there was hobbs again, looking the same as before. fate must have really fucking hated him, because everywhere shaw turned, hobbs was there.

they’d saved the world together before, and they did again, only with hattie in between, who probably could have saved it herself, but now she’d forgiven him. 

then things weren’t rock bottom anymore. hattie had forgiven him, and she was calling him now, on burner phones and pay phones and other methods of untraceable communication.

hobbs became a regular correspondent too, an annoying, constant presence on shaw’s phone. mum was out of prison, his sister talked to him again, and he had actual regular acquaintances now. 

so why isn’t he fucking happy? 

why haven’t the days where shaw can’t muster up the energy to even get out of bed decreased? 

this is the best his life has been in decades, and the persistent fog gnawing away at his sanity is still there. sometimes it gets so big around his skull that it cuts off his breathing, or makes his head pound so hard he can’t think. 

shaw mentions this to hattie at one point in a hot summer evening, unthinkingly. he’s never said anything purposely, because he knows hattie worries too much for him and she’d probably just recommend a stupid therapist. 

but he does, the heat making him tired and the whiskey making his tongue loose, and hattie pounces on that little bit of information like a panther. 

everything she says after shaw tunes out, because he’s heard it all before. therapy, mental hospitals, antidepressants, he can’t afford to be reliant on those things. hattie lists off ‘triggers’ and ptsd and all the other messed up illnesses shaw might have, and he’s about to disconnect the call until she mentions hobbs. 

hattie says that talking to someone while having a ‘panic attack’ makes it go away faster, and shaw wants to listen to her; he itches to do it, but the harsh part of him, the one his father cultivated, counters that relying on someone makes you weak. 

shaw continues on the way he does, white knuckling it through everything, until one day it gets to be too much. 

his skin feels too tight on his bones and he literally cannot breathe but somehow he still is, and the phone is just right there, so shaw speed dials hobbs. 

it takes a minute for him to pick up, but when he does, everything comes crashing back to shaw. 

“hello? shaw?” 

he still can’t muster the strength to say something do he stays there, gasping for breath and hands trembling. 

it must be loud, or hobbs has superhuman hearing, because hobbs waits a little, then asks, “are you having a panic attack?” 

shaw chokes out a yes, and that’s apparently all hobbs needs to hear, because he starts instructing shaw on breathing and keeping his pulse low long enough to focus. 

surprisingly, it works. 

hobbs mumbles something on the phone about how hattie told him this might happen, and shaw would be pissed off if it hadn’t helped so much. 

there’s and awkward goodbye and shaw forgets to thank hobbs for helping, but somehow, the phone calls become a regular occurrence. hobbs never questions it when shaw calls, and sometimes, he’s the one that needs to be talked through. 

after months and months, things do start to look up. hobbs invites him and hattie over for thanksgiving, and they start to talk about more than just missions. 

shaw learns that sam likes to bowl now, and that she’s dropped a million bowling balls on hobbs’ foot. he finds out about hattie’s and hobbs’ one time kiss, and he feels strangely unpleasant in his gut until they both laugh and hattie says it was like kissing a brother. 

life gets easier and easier to bear through, and there are still bad days where nothing gets done, but hobbs is always there just a phone call away. 

one day, shaw is at a little diner, waiting for the mission report he’d been instructed to wait for, when the person he’d least expected walks through the door. 

hobbs saunters in with a cocky grin in place, and sits down with a little cake in front of them, and says, “mission report.” 

he looks so fucking smug with his stupid cake that shaw can’t help it. he leans over the table and presses his lips to hobbs’. 

for a second shaw thinks he’s made a terrible mistake and hobbs will hate him forever for it, but then hobbs kisses him back. 

it’s not gentle but it’s still sweet, and shaw doesn’t even care that people are staring; doesn’t care that his freshly ironed suit is being dipped in cake. 

all he cares about is that luke hobbs, his friend and partner and who knows what else is kissing him. and finally, shaw feels happy.


End file.
